How to Get Him Back: 9 Steps to Getting Back Together with Your Ex

how to get him backIt’s not uncommon for a relationship to fall apart, or completely blow up for that matter. We’ve all been through that scenario before. But seriously, don’t stress yourself out or become overly devastated, or obsessed with how to get him back. Just calmly remember that it is entirely within the realm of possibility to get back together, with the right techniques. Think of it this way: you loved each other before, so the concept of reestablishing a connection again is no so far-fetched, is it?

So what can you do, exactly, to facilitate getting back together? Truth be told, you need to actually stop focusing on how to get your ex back, and start focusing on yourself. More specifically, here are the 9 steps to getting back together with your ex:

Get Your Ex Back Step #1: Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself

Whether the relationship is just starting to fall apart or has already ended, it is important that you STOP wallowing in self pity. This will do nothing for your emotional well-being and could actually make it harder for you to get your ex back. Instead, focus on the future and what could be done to experience better things from here on out. One thing you should understand though, is that the relationship did not end without a reason. There is a problem in there somewhere and this is your chance to properly address it. At the same time, your temporary single-hood can be your chance to reassess your life and essentially “reboot” your goals.

Get Your Ex Back Step #2: Start Enjoying Life Again 

Want to know how to make a guy want you again? Remember, he once fell in love with a happy, lively girl, right? Isn’t that who you were before you met? This is important: you have to be able to stay happy as a single person with your own interest, hobbies, and circle of friends. Believe it or not, allowing your whole world to revolve around your boyfriend can actually be the reason for the break up. Perhaps he was feeling the pressure of your codependency. Now is the time to show him (and yourself) that your happiness does not depend on him!

Get Your Ex Back Step #3: Think About What Went Wrong

Consider what has gone wrong in the relationship. Have you stopped talking? Do you no longer enjoy each other’s company? Women are usually given reasons for the break up – so make good use of this information! Keep in mind though that that might not be the only reason. Look back and think about what went wrong between the two of you, what you have done and what he has done as well.

Get Your Ex Back Step #4: Fix the Problem

If the problem can be fixed, then do so. Fixing the problem helps to let him know that a breakup is unnecessary, and that you are still willing to continue the relationship.

Get Your Ex Back Step #5: Learn to Identify between Possible and Impossible

As already mentioned, it is perfectly acceptable to fix a problem if it can be done. Keep in mind though that not all things can be fixed. If there has been infidelity in the relationship or if one of you moved to a different city, then chances are it is just a matter of time. Learn to identify between ‘fixable’ and ‘not fixable’ – you don’t want to bend over backwards for something that might not be permanent.

Get Your Ex Back Step #6: Let Him Know You are OK

A period of no-contact is usually best after a break up, but after a reasonable amount of time, women are advised to message their ex and let them know that they are OK. A subtle step in getting back together with your ex includes letting him know that you accept his decision to break up. Apologize for what you did wrong and agree that perhaps, breaking up was the right thing to do. However, DO NOT push him into getting back with you again.

Get Your Ex Back Step #7: Let Him Miss You

After you tell him that you are OK, the next step is to just lie low for a while and live your life a again. This step on how to get your ex back isn’t just so he would miss you but also so that you can rebuild yourself. What hobbies did you give up because of the relationship? What things do you miss doing that you could not do before as part of a couple? Focus on these things while he starts to miss your very presence in his life. There is a good chance you will miss him too but by keeping busy, you are passing the time constructively.

Get Your Ex Back Step #8: Let Him See What He is Missing

After the no-contact period, it is time to let him see what he is missing. It doesn’t have to be an overt step – just drop little hints that put you in his sphere without obliging him into doing anything. For example, you can tag him in a Facebook status with a link to a book or movie you know he loves. Drop a message saying “hope you’re doing well, bye!” or even just tell an inside joke if you two meet casually. Show him the YOU he met before – the one he fell in love with. Tease him with reminders of how fun it was when you were a couple, but do not be overt about it.

Get Your Ex Back Step #9: I Just Met You Phase

One crucial technique on how to get him back is adapting a ‘restart’ mindset. See, most women think that when they meet their ex again or get back together, the timer continues from the time they broke up. This isn’t how guys see it however because for them, this is a whole new relationship – not a continuation of the last one. Hence, adapt the “I Just Met You” mindset where you start off with a clean slate. Sure, you may now know what he likes and he may know you more now, but treat the relationship as if there were no baggage in between.

The Bottom Line:

Getting back with your ex boyfriend is easy because you know the chemistry is already there. You have a pretty good idea of what he likes so make good use of this information! Just focus on rebuilding yourself, playing it cool, and then wait for the timing to be right. Getting back together doesn’t have to happen overnight. Rest assured that your calm attitude and patience will pay off in the long run, which is the time frame that really matters to you anyway, right?